


Flying and Falling Both Require The Same Force

by Liyi



Series: Dreams Are Meant To Be Chased [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Gen, Platonic Relationships, renjun-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 18:05:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18451808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liyi/pseuds/Liyi
Summary: Renjun doesn't know if everything he's gone through since becoming a trainee is worth it.





	Flying and Falling Both Require The Same Force

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! 
> 
> Things have kinda busy for me these past few weeks with school starting but I've been trying to write again since I do want to finish writing a lot of my currently stuff. 
> 
> Pls enjoy! 
> 
> And this one-shot takes place in early 2017 since I'm trying to keep a timeline going.

Renjun always thought of himself as being pragmatic. 

He preferred approaching things with a logical mindset and hard reasoning that explained many of his decisions. 

But Renjun was still human, so he was bound to do some things that didn't make much sense in terms of logic. 

The shining example being his decision to audition to be a trainee in an Korean entertainment company. 

Even to himself as he was on the train to the location, he didn't really understand why he was doing this. 

For one, most probably he wouldn't even make it in. He never got any professional training in his life for singing or dancing, nor was he really that handsome. 

Two, even on the slim chance he somehow managed to get in, there was no guarantee he would debut. People trained for years to become idols and yet they wouldn't make the cut. 

And three, the idol industry was known to be bad. Everybody knew that idols got overworked and were exposed to all matters of horrific things. From their management to their fans, he wouldn't say that he thought they only wanted the best for their idols. 

So really, Renjun shouldn't be here, because this was probably going to be the worst decision of his life- except for one thing. 

This was his _dream._

When it was put that way, it sounded childish, and childish it was he would admit.

Ever since he was young, whenever the teachers asked what their dream was, he had always said that it was to be a singer.

Not everyone understood it, sometimes even he didn't understand his own fascination, but that desire constantly screamed at him, pushing him onwards even when he didn't really want to. 

And that was how Renjun somehow ended up here, in a small dance studio alongside ten other boys all chasing after the same dream. 

When he had first arrived in Korea, he would never expected that this was how his reckless adventure would turn out. 

At first, he had found it difficult to adjust to this new country with a different culture from his own, but Chenle arriving only days later had helped his feeling of homesickness. 

Just having someone there to speak his mother tongue with made him feel better, like Chenle was his healing balm. 

The younger boy smiled and laughed easily with a brightness that warmed everyone.

Of course that wasn't to say that the others didn't try to help, they all did in their own way seeing that they understood what he was going through. 

Renjun couldn't have been more grateful with how nice they all were and it wasn't long until he grew attached to them all. 

Mark, the oldest, always tried his best to make them all comfortable. Maybe it was because he came from Canada, but he always took their teasing good-naturedly and never held any of it against them, even if there were times that they took their jokes too far. 

Jeno was more of a silent protector. Always in the background looking after everyone without so much as a word. When Renjun had first met him, he had thought that the younger was the cold type, only to be proven wrong as soon as he broke into a smile. 

Donhyuck was as fiery as the sun in comparison. The boy couldn't keep his mouth shut and tended to get mouthy. Fortunately Renjun could be just as sassy, which meant that they regularly bickered with each other. 

Of course that didn't mean anything other than just some harmless fun. Renjun knew that underneath Donghyuck's prickly outer layers hid a sensitive heart that got hurt easily. 

Jaemin didn't try to hide anything. He always blurted out whatever was on his mind. A lot of what he would say regularly flustered Renjun since they sounded so flirty, but that was just his personality from what he had been told, and he knew that the younger was sincere in everything he said, it just took some adjusting on his end. 

Jisung was definitely the one that he got used to the fastest. Being the youngest of the group, Renjun felt the urge to look out for him, especially with how shy he seemed to be. 

He was a tall boy, but with how little of a presence he had, he usually blended into the background where he felt comfortable. The only time he wasn't like this was when he was dancing, and Renjun could see the kind of person Jisung would grow up to be. 

Renjun adored all six of them unexpectedly, and he started to believe that maybe they could do it. 

Just maybe. 

And then that dream got _crushed._

Everything seemed to change in an instant as they were suddenly sent off to an unknown company.

It was confusing to say the least, and nobody knew what to do. Not having Mark with them also put them all in a down mood, even if they wanted to be happy for him. 

It took a while until they were able to readjust themselves, especially with four new people joining their team, but they all tried their hardest to make it work. 

Getting Mark back hadn't been part of the plan, but they welcomed him with open arms, even Donghyuck did after a while. 

As eleven, they seemed to have a bright future ahead of them. 

"I'm so nervous." Yangyang muttered from behind him in the back seat, breaking the heavy silence in the vehicle. 

"Aren't you guys nervous? I feel so nervous. Is this normal?" The boy was starting to ramble, which caused Xiaojun to step in before he could work himself up too badly. 

"I didn't think that I would be so nervous since this isn't our first time." Jisung muttered, loudly enough for Renjun to hear beside him. 

Right. Their first attempt at busking had been a week ago and had actually gone quite well. They had even drawn a large crowd, but that didn't automatically mean that their nerves would go away. 

"Come on everyone. Don't be so nervous. We know what to expect so this time let's do a better job okay?" Mark, ever the leader, tried to encourage them. 

Renjun cracked a small smile as everybody started to cheer up, shouting out encouraging words before they got out one by one. 

He shivered slightly in the cold air before pulling himself together. 

"Jun, a little help!" Jeno yapped, trying not to fall over from the weight of the speaker in his arms. 

"You can't even move this small speaker without almost falling?" Renjun replied sarcastically, going over to help him. 

"It's heavy. Don't tease me." Jeno whined.

The two of them brought the speaker over to their busking spot, letting their manager set up the speaker for them while they waited. 

"Yah!" Jaemin swung his arms around the two of them, gesturing over to the group of girls nearby. 

Once the girls realised that they were noticed, they quickly looked away with red cheeks. "Look, they were staring at us. They must think we're handsome!"

"They're probably just looking at you two." Renjun retorted.  

"Why just us? Your handsome yourself Junnie." 

He could see that Jaemin was starting to frown, so he didn't bother to push it. 

The younger seemed to think that he had a confidence issue, and if he said his thoughts out now loud they would both think that he was unconfident in himself when that was not the case.

Renjun was just practical and he knew Jaemin and Jeno's looks appealed to more people. 

"Is everything set up properly?" He turned his attention to their manager, not wanting to continue the conversation. Hawoo took a final look at all the equipment before he nodded. 

"We can do this. Just like we practiced okay?" Lucas exclaimed, eyes glittering with excitement as he looked at each of them. 

The nerves were really starting to set in for Renjun as he took a deep breath to calm himself down.

"YO DREAM!" Mark yelled out. 

"JJEREO JUJA FIGHTING!"

They did their cheer loudly before going to their positions, Hawoo moving to the sidelines with his camera to film them.

When the music started, Renjun wouldn't really say that he was dancing at first, rather he was just moving to the music, his body instinctively taking over from the weeks of practice.

But slowly his nerves started to disappear as he began to enjoy the music. 

The boy knew that the most important thing in performing was a good expression, so he smiled as prettily as he could at the gathering crowd.

Time seemed to fly by as they were performing, and by the end of the hour Renjun felt a deep sense of satisfaction fill him to the brim.

Renjun had participated in school festivals before in front of classmates, so he knew how exhilarating it could be, but after so long he had began to forget what it felt like to perform for people.

This was what kept him going whenever he wondered whether he should go back home. This was what he didn't want to forget.

"That was so much fun!" Lucas exclaimed once they were back in the car. "Hyung, hyung, did you film us well?"

Hawoo nodded. "Yeah, the video will be uploaded to your channel by tomorrow."

The Dream Team channel was still quite small, especially since they only had a few videos up, but the reaction had been good, with fans spreading the word amongst the bigger kpop community.

Renjun liked reading the comment section of their videos to see all the encouragement they were given by fans.

But it also gave him pressure to know that there were people anticipating their next move. What if they let them down? What if they failed to live up to expectations?

Those kind of doubts were plaguing him more and more, especially since the announcement that they would be debuting.

Honestly Renjun had been shocked at the news. They had only been in the company for a little over half a year, and even Lucas, Xiaojun, Hendery and Yangyang had only been in the company for a few months more. 

He wasn't sure what their CEO saw in the eleven of them that told her that they were ready, but he didn't want to let her expectations down.

So in order to do that, they had all been working really hard on their dance, staying up until late at night to perfect their moves. 

Today wasn't any different. 

They had spent the entire morning going over their dance and were just now taking a short break. 

They had all scattered everywhere, some going outside while others chose to stay behind in the studio. 

Renjun was just relaxing on the floor, playing a rhyme game he had recently downloaded for fun. 

"And here is our dance studio!" 

Renjun turned his head away from his game just in time to see Lucas walk through the door with a camera in his hands.

"And there's Renjun~ What are you doing?" He asked, crouching down and sticking the camera uncomfortably close to his face.

"J-Just playing a game." He went slightly red, embarrassed at having stuttered.

"Your so cute." Lucas said, his big grin visible behind the camera. "Everyone, isn't he cute?"

Renjun frowned, wanting to disagree, but in front of the camera he turned mute, looking at it warily.

Lucas immediately noticed, turning away from him to go to Yangyang instead. Renjun could only sigh at his behavior in disappointment.

It was a unfortunate weakness of his that he has to get over if he wanted to go anywhere as an idol, and it only made him feel worse seeing how comfortable everybody else seemed.

He watched from his little corner as the others crowded around the camera, talking to it like they would an actual person.

"Junnie." Hendery called out, sitting next to him. "Why aren't you over there with the others?"

"The same reasons you aren't." He answered, making the elder chuckle.

Hendery was quite shy and took a while to open up to people, so it wasn't very surprising that the two of them were in the same situation.

The elder hummed in understanding, not forcing him to speak.

That was what he liked about Hendery. It was nice not having to say anything, just staying in a comfortable silence.

Of course that wasn't to say that the others forced him to talk. A lot of them were on the quieter side as well, it was just that they were more likely to try to get him to talk about what was bothering him. 

They wouldn't put up with any of his broody nonsense as they called it. 

"Injun!" Jaemin's cheerful voice broke him out of his thoughts as the younger bounced over.

"Let's go eat BBQ! Mark hyung is paying!" 

Renjun glanced over to the elder, wondering what bet he had lost to be sentenced to pay a meal for eleven growing boys. 

"Sure." He smiled, sending Mark an evil-looking grin. There was no way he wasn't making full use of this rare opportunity. 

"Can't you guys go easy on me?" He asked, sounding desperate. 

"You can count me out. I'm going to stay behind." Hendery spoke. 

"Okay! Anybody else changing their minds? Hopefully. Please?" It was amusing watching the desperation flash across Mark's face almost like his life was flashing before his eyes. 

Well he couldn't blame him. At their age, the eleven of them ate like pigs. 

"Let's go!" Donghyuck shut the elder up by placing a hand over his mouth and proceeded to drag him out. 

"Ge, your really not coming?" Renjun asked again.

Hendery smiled back. "Yeah. I'll just buy myself food."

"Eh, you can't just eat food from the convenience store hyung. We'll get takeout for you." Jaemin answered, having waited for him. 

Hendery merely smiled before urging them to leave. 

Renjun followed behind the younger as they left the building. The others were quite a ways ahead of him, but not that far that they couldn't catch up. 

"Hey Injun." Jaemin called out from behind. 

"Yeah?"

"Are you happy with where we're are at?"

That question kinda stunned him for a moment, unable to answer his friend immediately. 

"That's... a hard question Min... Why are you asking this?"

There was a sigh. "I guess I just... wanted to know. We're so close to debuting and becoming idols, but the closer we get, doesn't it start to scare you?"

"Scare...?" 

"Yeah, like you begin to wonder whether this is actually what you want, whether you can, or _should_ even give up your chance at a normal life. Will this be worth it in the end?"

You start to wonder whether you'll look back and regret your decision one day. 

You start to wonder whether if everything you gave up compares to what you have gained. 

You start to wonder whether if you will even be worth it. If people will somehow like your personality and look up to you. 

Those were all doubts that Renjun has, some that he's wrestled with multiple times, but he's come to think of it quite simply. 

How long had it been since he's seen his family? 

It must already be close to a year now since he left home back in China. 

How much has he missed them since? Terribly, terribly so. 

But yet.. _Yet_ he hasn't thought of going back home. 

No matter how hard it got, he hasn't thought of going back, and that was really how he was managing to hold on. 

There was still a part of Renjun that hasn't yet given up, and so he would gladly hold on for as long as he can. 

Whether this equated happiness, he didn't really think so, but he knew one thing. 

"I don't know how to answer your original question Jaemin, but...I do know that I won't regret this. Maybe in the future, I would look back and there'll probably be a lot that I'll be sad over, but I know I won't regret it."

Renjun had made his decision to come this far out of his own free will. He would rather regret what had been, than what _could_ have been. 

The boy paused walking, turning to look back at Jaemin who had stopped as well. 

"And how do you know that?"

Renjun took a moment to think about it, frowning as "I just... do. I just know that I won't regret it so why do you keep asking such difficult questions?!" He burst out in frustration. 

Jaemin couldn't help but laugh, a bright smile on his face. "So much for trying to be cool Jun." He teased. 

Renjun rolled his eyes. "You were the one pretending to be all deep with your questions first."

"It doesn't really suit me I suppose. I should apologise for doing that to you." 

"Your forgiven."

Jaemin burst out laughing loudly while he couldn't hold back a grin, their laughter floating over to their friends nearby. 

"Yah, what are you two doing laughing like crazy people over there?! Come on!" Donghyuck yelled loudly. 

"Let's go before Hyuck bursts a vein." Renjun said, jogging over to the younger boy who stood waiting outside the restaurant. 

"Took you long enough. What were you laughing about with Min?" Donghyuck asked as soon as he was near. 

Renjun dragged the younger inside by the arm, answering, "That's a secret between me and Jaemin."

"Your keeping secrets from us now Renjun?" He faked a loud gasp and a offended look. Drama queen. 

"I'm gonna tell Chenle!"

Before Renjun could stop him Donghyuck run towards their table, presumably to tell the others like the big mouth he was. 

"Yah, don't you dare Lee Donghyuck!" He screeched in his panic, not even bothering to be ashamed of the looks from the other table they were getting.

This was far more important. Chenle could _not_ find out that there was something he never told him or he would get the cold shoulder again. 

It lasted for a week last time and it was certainly going to last longer than that if he was told. 

Fortunately, Jaemin was already at the table and had Donghyuck in a headlock that had him a little proud. 

"Why don't we just sit down and have a nice meal Hyuck-ah?" There was no denying the underlying threat that made Donghyuck nod frantically and retreat to his seat. 

Jaemin could be scary when he wanted to be. Noted. 

Renjun sat down in the only empty seat next to Xiaojun, smiling as the boy pushed a bowl full of rice to him. 

"You were taking your own sweet time. Your lucky we had to wait." Xiaojun muttered, going back to flipping the meat. 

"Thanks Ge." 

Renjun took the chance to look around the table at everyone and taking in their happy expressions. 

It would be better if Hendery was here as well. Next time they definitely had to drag him along. 

Suddenly Renjun couldn't help but think about Jaemin's question from earlier.

Was he happy with where he was at?

If it meant getting to be with his friends, then maybe he already had his answer. 

That was something Renjun would have to think about more. 

But that could only come after he finished eating of course. 


End file.
